Such is the irony of being me that as I reach my 25th birthday, thoughts of death flood my mind. I imagine being in my own funeral with all my family and friends; perhaps even people whom I’ve met but don’t know personally… they’re all there to commemorate my life. I wonder what they would say about me. I wonder if my life has touched them. Oftentimes, I imagine those at my funeral at tears; some times, they’re happy because I’m gone. But the strongest feeling I have while thinking about this is that I’m happy I’m dead. It’s like the thorn of living in this world has been plucked away and I can happily say, “Good Riddance, Earth!” Because really, don’t you feel that way sometimes? That the world we live in is just a huge pain? That everyday is an inevitable struggle over which you are perpetually powerless. That your only salvation is death — so that you can finally “crossover” to live with God where there are no struggles, pains, or un-meetable desires. Just pure bliss and perfect joy.
I’m not suicidal. Mind you, I cannot brave killing myself. I just wish sometimes that God will make me like Enoch who didn’t die — he just literally “passed away.” I imagine waking up all of a sudden with God by my side. Literally.
But God is Spirit. That’s what the bible tells us. He’s not really flesh. So when I just said what I did, I realized that I CAN wake up next to him everyday. Through the reading and meditation of His Word, I can have the power through His Spirit that will help me through the daily struggles of life on earth. Because Jesus lives and He lives in me, I am victorious.
MUCH MUCH EASIER SAID THAN DONE. That even though I know all these facts, it’s a struggle to apply them. Maybe this is why the Lord God commands us to “Rejoice in the Lord always! And again, I say, Rejoice!” because He knows how negative man can be.
So today, I choose to be alive and not tolerate thoughts of death. And hopefully by tomorrow, I can let thoughts of dying die.